Several incidents have tumbled into my view the last month and all of them chime with each other in a manner of ways. We had to put our beloved dog down which still hurts – the hardest and easiest decision I’ve had to make. With a constant swathe of self-reflection taking over the home it’s been a case of paddling in the past trying to make sense of the now. It’s a time when the hours seem longer and the jobs seem constant and everything in the zeitgeist is out to get you.
I recently had an old piece of work performed for the second time, but two years apart from its first airing. Whilst watching it I found moments I’d forgotten and other elements which jarred. But all in all it was a pleasure to see a different interpretation of the script and it showed my work to have a pulse longer than the few moments it was written. It was extremely well received by the audience and a big thank you must go to Oryx Productions who paired me up with director Ahmed El Alfy and actors Emma Darlow and Tom Phillips who were all ace. Here’s a lovely review of the night: (it’s quite a good one)
In my other job I had a meeting recently with a young filmmaker and we ended up talking about our past work and the notion of rewatching it through older eyes. She felt too close to her previous work and had distanced herself from it, going as far as to actually withdrawing it from public viewing. We talked about how we can see what was going on in our lives because of the content of our work, but only in retrospective. It’s true. For me I can glance back at stuff I’ve written and see it as useless because it’s not come from me now, it doesn’t have the same urgency that I strive for presently. Other times I re-read old material and question why I didn’t realise I was on to something back then and commit to the end. I always end up trying to think back about a lot of things when I get to bed.
It’s a conversation I’ve had with many and I’m sure some of the folks who read this blog will have had it too… New writing rarely gets restaged in London and it makes me wonder, why? London thrives with new writing but as soon as it’s gone anywhere near a stage it loses its shine, its ‘new’ tag, and it’s onto the next piece from someone else. Sure plays go on tour, but it makes me realise with more strength that London is possibly not the ‘new writing’ friendly place that it’s been talked up to be. You get the initial excitement of finally having some work on… But as soon as it’s gone up the first night you’re constantly having to prepare yourself for it to end because then it’s gone. Scurrying back into your computer folder to be forgotten about because you’re being ushered into writing something new, something current, something now.
I’ve dipped into my old folder of writing to uncover how different I am now so I can understand what I’ve achieved. I’m a person who can only figure out what I’ve done by glancing back to see what went before. It’s never as galling as you think it will be because let’s put it this way – if your previous work was bad, you’ve learnt something and if it’s not then you know you’re doing something right.
You keep going, you keep learning and you keep going. It’s not so bad to take a breather and look at where you’ve come from to see your achievements. I just know that I’m glad that I’ve not given up yet.
Looking Backwards But Moving Forwards September 30, 2012